But I'm imperfect, and well aware that next week, I might be crying in the bathroom because I yelled at my kids for letting the glow stick leak onto the living room chair and ruin it. I hear a quiet whisper in my head of a quote I heard somewhere, that one time: "People are more important than things." I swallow the anger and promise myself that I'll do better the next day. And I might forget that a few days before, I was the mom I wanted to always be." Her story really got me thinking because as a twenty-something year old lady (I'm not saying my real ago oh here lol) I look forward to having my own family and kids because the love I have for them is endless and but when I read and listen to the stores of some parents it gets me into reconsidering my life decisions.. Don't get me wrong I would trade anything to be the best mum I can be to my kids because my mum has really and is still playing a major part in my success stories which I appreciate everyday. Having kids like they say is taking responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible and intellectual human beings is the biggest job none can embark on.
- learning to say a prayer
- their first words
- honesty
- brushing and the rest of them
Here are few tips of dealing with the crisis of motherhood
Realize you are not alone
One of the most difficult aspects of new motherhood is the isolation you may feel. It is all too easy to look at other new moms and think, "They have it all together - why don't I?" Well the secret is that they are looking at you and thinking the same thing. Every new mom feels overwhelmed and tired and is trying just as hard as you to adjust to this new lifestyle. Yes, you love your baby, and yes, it is completely normal in the early months of motherhood to look back at your previous life with some longing. ( going clubbing and getting drunk life you know lol)
Give Yourself Time
If you were taking on a challenging new career in an area you had little experience in, you would not expect to be a complete success your first day on the job. The same holds true for motherhood. It can take from six months to a year to be comfortable in your new role. Do not rush to judge yourself harshly when some aspects of mothering don't come easily. In time, your instincts will come in. You will learn what your baby's different cries mean, and how to soothe him or her (at least most of the time.) You will figure out how to carry your baby and the diaper bag and still open the door, and how to get out of the house in less than an hour. These things and all the other skills that motherhood requires will come. Give yourself time to lead
Join a Mom's Group
You have just gained a new job in life - that of mom. Just like in your career, it is important to network with others in your field. They will listen to your stories of sleep-deprived nights and celebrate small milestones in your baby's life. We have shared experiences that only another mother can understand. To find a mom's group in your area, check with your local church, library, YMCA, or the hospital where you gave birth.
Nurturing Spiritual side.
Take time to pray. This need not be formal prayer. Simply talk to, and listen for, God. Prayer centers us and gives us strength. Take a walk and appreciate the beauty of creation. You can pray while pushing a stroller or while in the shower. It doesn't matter where you are, just that you take the time to nurture your spiritual life
Permit yourself to not being perfect
Yes, you want to do what is best for your child, and of course you should always try to make the best decisions you can. The reality is, however, that you are not perfect. None of us are. Try as we might to do all we can to give our children the best start, there are when we fail to live up to our own expectations. The good thing is young children are rather very forgiving. We need to forgive ourselves as well. Parenting is an on-going learning process. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It does not do you or your child any good to dwell on them.
Continue to talk to your friends and family.
Relationships do change as a result of becoming a mom. You may not have as much in common with some people as you did before you had a child. There are, however, those true friendships in life that can survive the changes that life brings. It may take some creativity to nurture those friendships now that you are a busy mom. A phone call after the baby is in bed can be a life saver. Also, make time to go out and do something with your friends, even if it is only once a month or once every other month.
This is also an opportunity to building your relationship with your own family. Mothers and sisters who have children can be a wonderful resource in parenting information and support. There will be times that you will disagree on how best to parent your child, but you are one of them now - a mom - and they can help you fit into this new role you have chosen.
decide about working outside the home, and feel free to change it if it doesn't work out.
Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom or something in-between, the important thing is for you to make the best decision for you and your particular set of circumstances. The difficult part is that your initial decision often has to be made before your baby arrives. It is hard to know how you will feel about leaving your baby with another caretaker, or about leaving paid employment, until after the baby arrives. The good thing is that nothing is set in stone.
Some people leave work only to return on a part-time or full-time basis after a certain amount of time. Others return to work immediately after maternity leave only to discover that is no longer where they want to be. Both financial and personal circumstances change and this is one decision that can change as well. Many moms decide to pursue an interest of their own and start a business that they can work from home while caring for their child. Others negotiate for more flexible schedules or part-time work. The possibilities are endless. Do what you can to be comfortable with your decision, and ignore the voices out there that tell you that you should be doing something different.
Cultivate a Hobby
This seems counter-intuitive because you have probably never been busier in your life than you are right now, but in your search for identity, it is important to have something you can call your own. Dedicate at least some time to something that interests you and will engage your mind. Do you like to read? Keep a magazine or book handy. It is amazing how much reading you can get done one paragraph at a time! Do you like to take pictures? This is a wonderful time to put those skills to work taking pictures of your baby and perhaps putting them into a scrapbook. If you enjoy writing, keep a journal. Whatever you enjoy, there is probably some way to integrate it into your new life. If an old interest is truly out of the question, then this is the time to find something new. Learning a new skill or practicing an old one will invigorate you and help you realize that while you are a mom, you are also more than a mom.
If you need it, don't be afraid to seek professional help.
It is one thing to be going through a challenging time of change; it is quite another to be suffering from depression. If you have lost interest in life, suffer from loss of appetite, feel hopeless, or have thoughts of hurting yourself or maybe your baby, it is time to seek professional assistance. Postpartum depression is real and treatable. It is an illness, not a sign of weakness. Consult your doctor, your pediatrician, or the hospital where you gave birth for information on where to go for help.
"The art of mothering Is to teach the art of living to children - Elaine Heffner". I don't see the act of mother-hood as an identity crisis but the attribute of a role model to a child they will love and cherish for the rest of their life. When you choose to be a mother you have chosen to take responsibility of that little individual all the way through and I doff my hat for mothers who have really been able to achieve this not leaving behind the single mothers who have single handedly raised a good young boy or lady and have been through thick and thin with their little one, single dads who act as mother figures are not left out. Keeps doing the good job and you shall one day smile at you kid or kids and say "we made it"
I have compiled a few links to help your when you feel everything as a mom isn't going as planned and scared of the future. I hope this helps as it has helped to strengthen me into making the decision to being the mum I want to be to my future kids.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meredith-ethington/the-identity-crisis-of-motherhood_b_6580314.htm
http://www.perfectionpending.net/2014/11/10/the-identity-crisis-of-motherhood/
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/janeseymou133352.html
http://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/how-to-reduce-single-parent-stress/